Brig Block Tango
by Izzy
Summary: A filk of Chicago's "Cell Block Tango," featuring Kes, Ben, Jadzia, Kirk, Jenny, and Deanna.


Brig Block Tango   
By Izzy   
To the tune of "Cell Block Tango" from Chicago 

Kes:Sniff   
Ben:Maquis   
Jadzia:Squish   
Kirk:Uh uh!   
Jenny:Deck Seven   
Deanna:Riker 

Picard:And now, the six Starfleet murderers of the New Zealand penal colony in their rendition of the Brig Block Tango 

Kes:Sniff   
Ben:Maquis   
Jadzia:Squish   
Kirk:Uh uh!   
Jenny:Deck Seven   
Deanna:Riker 

All:   
He had it coming   
He had it coming   
He only had himself to blame   
If you'd have been there   
If you'd have seen it 

Jenny:I betcha you would have done the same! 

Kes:Sniff   
Ben:Maquis   
Jadzia:Squish   
Kirk:Uh uh!   
Jenny:Deck Seven   
Deanna:Riker 

Kes: You know how people have these little habits that get you down. Like Neelix. Neelix liked to cook food. No, not cook. RUIN. So I came off shift this one day and I am really irritated, and looking for a little bit of sympathy and there's Neelix behind the counter in the mess hall, humming and cooking. No, not cooking, ruining. So, I said to him, I said, "Neelix, you continue to ruin that food one more minute..." And he did. So I took my phaser off my belt and I fired two warning shots...set to kill! 

All:   
He had it coming   
He had it coming   
He only had himself to blame   
If you'd have been there   
If you'd have smelt it   
I betcha you would   
Have done the same! 

Ben: I met Micheal Eddington when he was assigned to Deep Space Nine about two years ago and he told me he was loyal and we hit it off right away. So, we started working together. I'd go out on the Defiant, I'd come back, he'd update me on security, we'd work out problems with Odo and Worf. And then I found out: "Loyal" he told me. Loyal, my ass. Not only was he disloyal...oh, no, he was a Maquis. One of those defectors, you know. So that episode when he attacked the Malinche, I went out on the Defiant, as usual. You know, some guys just can't stand a little trilithium resin! 

Kes, Ben, Jadzia, and Deanna:   
He had it coming   
He had it coming   
He took a station   
In its prime   
And then he used it   
And he abused it   
It was a murder   
But not a crime! 

Jadzia: Now, I'm standing in the science lab analyzing a rare Bajoran artifact, minding my own business. In storms my husband Worf in a jealous rage. "You been screwing Dr. Bashir!" he says. He was crazy and he kept on screaming, "You been screwing Dr. Bashir!" And then he ran into my bat'leth. He ran into my bat'leth ten times. 

All:   
If you'd have been there   
If you'd have seen it   
I betcha you would have done the same! 

Kirk: What...am...I...doing here? They say...that...I put...Ben Finney...in a...pod...and...ejected him...into...an ion...storm. But...this...is not...true. I am...guiltless. I...don't...know...why...Areel...Shaw...says...that I did it. I...tried...to explain...to...Starfleet Command...but...they...couldn't...follow...me... 

Tom Paris: Yeah, but did you do it? 

Kirk:Uh uh. Not...guilty! 

Jenny: My sister Megan and I worked in Stellar Cartography together, and my husband, William Chapman, worked with us. Now, on our last shift, we found these twenty stellar phenomena in a row. Dwarf, Giant, Quasar, Nebula, Triple Star, Unstable Wormhole, Melding Supernova, Disintegrating Planet, Asteroid Field, one right after the other. So this one night right after we got off shift we're in my quarters on Deck Seven, the three of us, boozing, having a few laughs and the replicator broke. So I went out to burrow some food. I come back, override the lock, and there's Megan and William doing Number Seventeen -- the Melding Supernova. Well, I was in such a state of shock, I completely blacked out, I can't remember a thing. It wasn't until later, when I was washing the blood off my hands I even knew they were dead.   
They had it coming   
They had it coming   
They had it coming all along   
I didn't do it   
But if I'd done it   
How could you tell me that I was wrong? 

Jenny(Others):   
They had it coming(they had it coming)   
They had it coming(they had it coming)   
They had it coming(they took a starship)   
All along(in its prime)   
I didn't do it(and then they used it)   
But if I'd done it(and they abused it)   
How could you tell me(it was a murder)   
That I was wrong?(But not a crime!) 

Deanna:   
I loved Will Riker more than I can possibly say. He was a real smart guy...command material... Number One. But he was troubled. He was always trying to find himself. He'd go out off shift looking for himself and on the way he found Mistress Beata, Soren, Ro, and my mother. I guess you can say we broke up because of a sensory malfunction. He read himself as alive, and I sensed that he was dead! 

All:   
The dirty bum, bum, bum, bum, bum   
The dirty bum, bum, bum, bum, bum 

Kes, Ben, Deanna(Jenny, Jadzia, Kirk):   
They had it coming(they had it coming)   
They had it coming(they had it coming)   
They had it coming(they had it coming)   
All along(all along)   
'Cause if they used us('cause if they used us)   
And they abused us(and they abused us)   
How could you tell us(how could you tell us)   
That we were wrong?(that we were wrong?) 

All:   
He had it coming   
He had it coming   
He only had   
Himself   
To blame.   
If you'd have been there   
If you'd have seen it   
I betcha   
You would have done the same! 

Kes:You ruin that food for one more minute! 

Ben:Loyal my ass. 

Jadzia:Ten times. 

Kirk:Areel...Shaw...says... 

Jenny:Number seventeen -- the Melding Supernova. 

Deanna:Sensory malfunction. 

Kes:Sniff   
Ben:Maquis   
Jadzia:Squish   
Kirk:Uh uh!   
Jenny:Deck Seven   
Deanna:Riker 


End file.
